Is this true for all Asians or just me towards white people?

I am an Asian female and ever since I was young I have always wanted to be white but I’m just not good enough. What do I do. I mean I hang around mostly white people, kiss their feet when I’m in close proximity with them. I look up to them as angels and will kill my mother just to become white. I’ve tried bleaching my skin multiple times but I still look Asian. I want to have babies with a white man even if he looks like the bottom of Donald trumps foot. I try speaking preppy but people still look at me as Asian. I even try to imitate white people by being racist to black people even though I have no good reason to but to no avail. How do I become white seeing as they’re the best no denying that. Even our own men look non-existent next to even the average white man. White people we love you and want to know what your secret is to being Gods gift toe the world and us Asians.